Win? or lose?....

Dear Jesus,

For the past few days, weeks, i've been sensing that every time i enter a contest, i never win no matter how perfect i think my entry is.. in school, in the net, on my studies, everywhere....its as if i was born a loser... and today in school we had a costume and collage contest, then again i lost... when i got home, i was feeling all gloomy. I said to myself..."Am i failing at everything already?" every bad, negative thing came into my mind...So i planned to take a bath and cool off...

Then, a question struck me... a question that really changed my whole perspective... The question is, "Maybe your failing at everything, coz God wants you to learn to be humble, or he's telling you that, you may not be a winner for teh people, but for Him?! you most certainly are..." Man, those lats words really struck me...

I just realized that i've been trying so hard to please all the people around me, so they will like me or they'd recognize me... or even simply 'to be noticed' but then, i was wrong.... It should be you that they see in me... people already expect alot from me, and at times i find it boring or 'lazy' and now i know why i feel that way..its because i take all the credit! me, me, ME! i'm sick and tried of that word... i want to change... i want people to see you in me, and be humble...i want to learn to make right decisions in my life, and realize that i cannot please everybody no matter how hard i try...

I am really a winner in God's eye, and that's way enough for me than being a winner in the eyes of me. I mean i thought about it, i mean why should i please the people around me, when its you that i should pleasE? i mean being a winner in your eyes is far better than being a winner in the eyes of men... Thank you Lord for making me feel better now and teaching me a great lesson...*hug* Thank you...

Your loving daughter, Shiriel.

(PS. Lord? I never even liked my costume! but then i gave my best and became a winner in your eyes, nothing more can be greater than that..*hug*)

Indians...

Dear Jesus,

Look what i made for Angela! hehe i worked hard for this..anyway, i relly love the way it turned out, do you also? hehe ofcourse you do, coz that was your art and you used me to print it out..:3 hehe anyway!

Lord, yesterday i watched the indians dance in the 'world's indegenious tribes' and wel my first impression was..."i want to take a pic with them! they're so cute!xD' hehe so i tried following them, trying to get a pic of EVRY indian...and guess what? i got my wish...but for some reason, something struck me... As i watched one of the 'cutest' Indians dance, i realized something... They were so free and joyful to worship you through they're dancing... you can see the joy in their faces, the excitement, teh thrill of worshipping you... they didn't care how foolish they looked, they just dance with all their might to worship you...then, i looked at myself...and i asked myself, "why can't i do that?" i mean just look at them! i know they have touched your very heart because of their dance,coz they gave their BEST!... You can see them sweat and tired, but still they continue to worship as if there was no tomorrow anymore... even when the songs stopped some of them were still dancing... you can see the real joy of worshipping you through their dance and especially trhough their expressions...

I wonder why i couldn't do that?... I WANT to do that.. i want to worship you with all my heart,soul,body,mind and spirit! i want to touch your heart! i want to put a smile on your face... I want you to feel how grateful i am for ldying on that cross... i want to put a smile on your face... i want to glorify you...

Those indians...what do they have that i don't? Well, it is the freedom of myself... i don't know if anyone could understand me... but i know you do... The freedom to do so much for you, the freedom to erase all insecurities and just worship you, the freedom to not care about what people think when i worship you...

Those indians inspired me... and really made me realize that i should give my BEST to you. I should be FREE to worship you... I should be PURE in worshipping you... but most of all, i should be GLAD to worship you...

I will make a change someday in this world... and these indians has taught me a great lesson on freedom...and soon, i will understand and perfect this FREEDOM that i've been thinking about, and that will be the start of my purpose!

Shiriel

Maybe...

Dear Jesus,

For some reason there's this person that i always want to see...always want to talk to...always want to smile to... There's this person whom i think is kind of special to me already... I'm not sure, but one thing's for sure, i don't want to grow any feelings towards him...First of all, he'll mess up with my thoughts...yeah he'll inspire me, but i might keep on thinking about him, which is not at the right... Lord help me to get rid of this infatuation or watever i'm feeling...make it stop please...i want him to be my friend only and that's it... i know that he's not the one...so please help me from falling for someone i don't want to fall with.. tHnk you....:3

Enough of that...hehe Lord, yah know? i had a weird day today.. but oh well, i know you have a reason...:3 i feel unsatisfied today, but i'm sure tomorrown it'll be filled up...^^ Oh yea! we're starting this campus journal and we havta make a title for it...Help me to make the right title..I'm thinking of Seedz, which means, Serving EmmanuEl in Dedication with Zeal...:3 i'm not sure if its right... but please help me...^^

Lord...i'm asking for some anime art book...please?...i really am craving for anime art books and manga's..xD hehe thanks so much...Lord i don't know...but this day...seems empty,unsatisfied,sad, and lonely...

Shiriel

Tribes

Dear Jesus

I just came from a worship concert of indegenious tribes all over the world! and this is the very first time i saw indians worship you...and they worship you very simply, but somehow it has a great impact. They worship you through dances, and their dances is sure nice, i loved it! i mean they looked like eagles soaring high, freely...they're worshipping you with freedom...

When they danced, the indians, my perspectives in provinces changed... To be honest, i really didn't want to live here in Davao for the reason that, i'll be away from my friends, i'll be adjusting real hard, and there aren't many malls here... So i thought it'll be boring here...and guess what? I was totally wrong....

Davao might have less malls compared to Manila, and DAvao is less civilized than Manila...But for some reason, i like it better here... because of the tribes. The tribes remind me of reality, it reminds me of our culture and how important this is to us... I am just so amazed on how you have created such cultures and tribes... Not only that, the tribes reminds me of how to really worship you... Worshipping you isn't based on high teched instruments or materials, but it is in the heart and soul.... worshipping you isn't all about lookiong good, but rather than making you look good. Davao may be less civilized, but they are more religious and closer to you...

As an anime lover, i wanted to take animation or anything connected to that...but then, my perspective now changed... i want a course that could help me know the different kinds of cultures the world has... in that way i can understand other people's way of worshipping you... but then my Father said that i'm only inspired of what i saw tonight... but i know what i felt... i felt that i needed to take that kind of course...so Now i am praying unto you, to lead me to that course, to lead me to the right school... i know i will take my college here in Davao... please help me Jesus...and i know you will... i thank you for that... I will have that course taken, to know you more, to know how to worship you more, to touch your heart.... I love you so much...

Love you so much, JEsus, Love you so much...SHiriel

Friendship...c=

____________________________________
When there comes a time when you feel your alone,
Just lock your right hand with your left hand,
Then go out and look at the sky,
after that close your eyes and think of me...

Remember we may live apart,
but we still live under one sky,
and i may not be there with you physically,
but in your heart i am there...
____________________________________

Something i piled up and mixed up...:3

Dear Jesus,
To be honest, i never had that stable best friend that i've always wanted... I wanted a bestfriend who'd i can go out with in the beach, shop clothes with, do silly stuff with, or even plain have sleepovers in my home... I did have bestfriends, but for some reason they don't stay long..i don't know if its something wrong with me, or i'm just plain expecting too much... But now?... i realized that i don't need a best friend... coz of you....

Truly, you are the bestfriend that i've been praying for all these years... I've been praying for a male bestfriend... and i just came to realize now, that you are truly the only best friend i could ever had... you may not go to the beach with me, but you made that beach for me.... you may not shop clothes with me, but you supply the money i need for those clothes... you may not do silly stuff with me, but you protect me from silly stuff that can hurt me... you may not have sleepover over my house, but you've always been there to guide me sleep... I knew i had bestfriends before...and they've all changed me... and i did alot of great stuff with them, and truly they are great blessings in my life...

Maybe the reason why i don't have a stable best friend is because, people change, time change, circumstances change...That's what it is...it's life... but one thing that nothing could ever change, is the treasure of the friednship... The memories of a great friendship... If i could just write about every bestfriend i had, i bet they'll all did alot of chnage in my life too...changes that made a better person.. I thank you for giving them to me... ^^ ...

From now on, i will stop asking for a best friend... coz all these years i already had a best friend, waiting for me... and that's you... *hug* and not only that... another reason is that i always did have a best friend... and they're all in my heart... i may not be with them physically, but in my heart they are all always treasured...

Jesus i love you so much...when i'm alone i will just lock my hands together and close my eyes and think of you...your daughter Shiriel, your own song...:3

Foul Mood...

Dear Jesus,

Today i had a serious foul mood in school... i have no idea, but since i woke up, i felt that i was so weak... Then as i went to school, i was asked to pray in our first period... and to my annoyance, while i was praying one of my male classmates were talking! as in loudly! i can't believe them! i mean they can't respect you! i got so mad that i wanetd to tell him "SHUT UP!" but i controlled my feelings and sat down... i asked his sister to tell him to stop talking when someone's praying... but in the end i told her not to... For half a day, i had a foul mood because of that... i felt sad and i wanted to shout at my male classmates and tell them to repsect you...but then i knew you didn't want it to be that way... you want me to love my enemies... I'm sorry for that... its just that i couldn't take it, they've been doing it since forever... I wanted to cry in front of them and ask them why can't they respect You?...

Then as the afternoon came, i began to calm down and regain my preppy and childish self again. But then, i was asked to pray. So i shouted, "Let's pray" everyone heard me and i said it thrice for them to really hear it, and i'm gald that they didn't speak this time... This time they kept their mouths shut... Maybe that's what i am supposed to do, ask them to pray with me... Thank you for telling me these..:3

Well, today i felt empty... i felt that if i speak of your name, everyone will dislike me... but then... i felt no hindrance... I immediatley said to myself, "Jesus is my best friend, and i shouldn't be ashamed to speak of His name..." So starting now, i will speak my mind.... i will tell my classmates that cheating is wrong, using God's name in vain is very wrong, and disrespecting You in prayer is horribly wrong... Its time for me to stand up for you, its time for me to shout your name and praise You... I don't care if all my friends in school will be annoyed at me, for telling them the truth, coz i know i have you and i have my friends back in Manila... My real friends... The gang... I mean even when we're far apart, we're still friends, and that's what true friendship means... Thanks for giving me the friends of my dreams... and thank you for Loving me for who i am... I will make a stand for you now! and i hope other teenagers will also do...

LOve you so much Jesus, YOur daughter, SHiriel...:3

A new beginning...

Have you ever felt that you were empty deep within? i mean your so bored, and everything you do cannot seem to satisfy your hunger, or boredom? If you did... its time to pray and come back to the Lord..:3 The Lord makes you feel that way, so that you can come back to Him... in short it means that He misses you...^^ and guess what? that's exactly how i feel AGAIN these past few days... but this time its different...

I have tons of stuff that i wanted to do, like decorate my room, write my story, CG, and simply design my clothes...but then everytime that i am about to start, i felt empty, my ideas goes super dry, that leads me to laziness... as in everyday this happens... SO i thought maybe i need a inspiration... and well i had tons of crushes and still no inspiration... So i realized that what i really needed is God, and He alone.. and now its a new beginning for me to change! :3 and no one can stop me...^^ Starting this day, my blog will be letters for God...hehe and did you know that YuAiChi means, Happy Love story? So my happy love story is about God... ^^ Starting today i shall use this blog as my love letters for Jesus..:3

Dear Jesus,
Today i felt the hunger to serve you passionately again... I'm so sorry if i've been away for long... but you know? i have great news for you... Our church is going to have a bigger and better worship service every Sunday... There'll be more instruments and more vocals and more new ideas, its as if every Sunday there'll be a concert held just for you and you alone... I'm actually excited about this...

We talked about moving freely in worship towards you... but for some reason i cannot move my body freely... but deep within, my heart is already dancing for you... i want to be free Jesus, Free to worship and adore you... i'm not sure what's holding me back, but i'll surely find it out soon, so i can worship you the way you want me to... I want to put a smile in your face Jesus... i want you to be happy as you've made me happy every single day.

I know i've been unfair... coz almost every successful thing i've done, i took the credit... when it should be yours.. i'm sorry... Jesus, help me to be humble... help me to give all the glory back to you always... Jesus, i know you gave me the gift of singing, and to be honest? when i heard my voice, i feel proud, coz it sounds so sweet... but then again i remembered that this isn't my voice... this is YOUR voice... and i'm just a tool for the people to hear the sweet sound of your voice.,.. i thank you Lord for using me... i am honored to be your daughter and your singer...:3

Your daughter,

Shiriel

Behind these smiles..?

Was there a time when you felt like there was something beneath your smiles? What i mean is that, yes your smiling, but for some reason you know that its fake...but still you continue to smile..

Today i felt that... I was happy being with my friends, but for some reason i felt insecure, i felt incomplete... coz i had one friend who i haven't talked with for a long time now...

You see i have this friend in church who really annoys me, coz he kepts on hitting me and making fun of me... so i got mad at him and didn't mind him... As days passed, i neglected him, actually i almost slapped him! coz he freakin' hugged me!... but i couldn't...coz he's my friend. Then i had friends who told me that he's only insecure, and i just said, "Watever..." i know i'm mean, but hey? what can i do? i was mad, annoyed, and well...hurt...

I was hurt coz i've been trying to befriend him, trying to get close with him, for him to feel that someone cares, kasi nga insecure siya...but then he neglects all my efforts...so i stopped caring and eventually really neglected him..

When i was playing with the youth, i saw him...and he was alone... i felt sad, and wanted to talk to him..but for some reason there's a part of me who wouldn't... And that's when my fake smiles begun...i was enjoying and all but then deep within, i was worrying about him...hey i don't like him ok?...its just that, he was one of my first friends here in davao...and well, i don't wana loose a friend like him... he may be mean, annoying, bad-mouthed dude, but deep within i know he's hurt and alone...=,c... Behind my smiles there were tears... that wouldn't come out from my eyes, but rather came out from my smiles...

Standards...<3

Hehe, i watched a "love story" movie today...and well... i wana make some standards... standards of what i want over a guy... But before that, u might say that i'm such a 'boy minded' person... well i'm not, im just a regular teen girl ^_~ and a very emotional one..what can i do?! my heart is an artist T.T...i tend to see everything beautiful..^^u... Here goes nothin'...^~^...

He should Fear God, and serve God. God should be first in his list and i'm second..xD.

He should have a cute smile, but rarely smiles...

He should be 3-4 years older than me.

He should have an anime-ish look(Long cool hair, deep eyes, tall, white, brown/black hair)

He should have a deep, masculine voice.

He should be taller than me.

He should have a necklace(silver to be particular, a cross pendant)

He should have a timid, mysterious, and artistic personality.

He should be a troublesome person...xD

He should be a mommy's boy.

He must have a poker face.

He should be able to blush, bashful.


He should be thin and tall.

He should have some sense of humor.

He should be able to play a sport or a uniqe hobby.

He should be romantic!(its a must!)

He should be secretive & insecure(not really insecure..).

He should be smart, but not really intelligent...

He should be uniqe and original with his words.

He should be able to sing.


He should be a composer.

He should be able to play a very calm instrument(piano, violin, or flute)or something more unique.


He should wear glasses at time, yes eye glasses.

He should be sweet, at times...not always.

He should treasure his purity.

He should respect my parents and family.

He should court me the long and different way.

He should surprise me at times.

He should be an Am-boy & rich, ;3.

He must be seloso, but also gives me, my space..

He shouldn't be scared to scold me.

He should see behind my smiles.

He should have a heart to worship God always.


He should always pray to God.


He should be sincere and helpful and polite and responsible.


He should be imperfect...:p


But most of all...He should be my prince charming...:3

Wow...that's alot! wahaha! its a good thing for me...coz it'll take time for me to fall inlove...:3 hehe..someday i will find my man! woohoo! :3 but for now, i know he's out there, sleeping...working for God... and i should do the same to! i must work for God first! and fix my attitude and be mature and ready for my future mate..you may say i'm too young to do these...but we're always young! right?! :p hehe now...to be a better person for God, and for him...:3 For now, me and my future mate is sleeping, and some day we'll wake up from our dreams and make our dreams come true..together...:3